Puabi

What...you may ask...if you have a tendency to ask strange questions...is the oldest written language in recorded history? The answer, my friends, is Sumerian. And what...you may well ask again...has this to do with jewelry...or gold...or treasure...or even lapis lazuli? Heh heh. Hang on. I'll tell you.

Puabi was her name. And she was a Sumerian queen. Regal as all get out, I'm sure. Maybe even more regal looking than Audrey Hepburn, though I tend to doubt it. And the Sumerians--for you who are chomping at the bit here--the Sumerians were the first in recorded history to fashion jewelry from gold and silver and precious and semi-precious stones. They were superb craftsmen...their designs were outstanding.

Look. Over there. Right near the Euphrates. You can see her if you look closely. She's strolling along the bank with her faithful servant, Naomi. Sh sh. Listen. There's going to be a party at the palace tonight. Puabi is in a dilemma. What to wear? Everybody was going to be there. Hurry home...to try all her stuff out. And if she was being a bit impulsive? Why not? She was a queen, was she not?

We're in the 3rd millennium B.C. We're in Sumer--the word for South Babylon--not too far from Ur. Puabi was, according to records, the first lady in history to be elaborately garbed in gold and gems. And when I say garbed, my friends, I ain't just whistlin' Dixie. I'm talkin' GARBED.

For the sake of drama, let's take a little liberty, and let's dress Puabi for the party the way she was buried. Heck folks, here on the Internet, we can do anything we want, except for spamming. So back we go...to queen Puabi and her faithful servant girl, Naomi. And let's see what Puabi wore.

Naomi. Naomi. Where is that girl when I need her? Naomiiii....Ah, there you are. Please, be so kind, help me with my little trinkets here. My robe, of gold and silver. Oh these...these are called lapis lazuli. I had the robe studded with them. Gives it a look, dontcha think? Even queens often didn't speak English properly. And who was going to tell a queen not to use words like "dontcha"? Naomi, help me with those three gold leaf pendants, also studded with lapis lazuli. I'll wear them on my arm...along with those three fish-shaped amulets...and that gold bracelet with the gazelles on them. You think it's a bit much, Naomi? Nah. Wear what you want your regalness.

I think I'll put my crowns on now, Naomi. Of course I can wear more than one crown, silly. I'm a Sumerian queen, aren't I? Hey, we invented jewelry. Never mind. Don't contradict me. Just hand me my crowns. Lord, these servants. You just can't get good help these days. So Puabi put on her crowns, each one one step larger than its inside companion. The first crown had an motif of interlocking rings. The second and third were made of woven gold, braided to look like ivy and willow leaves. On the outermost crown, Puabi had gold flowers with drooping stems and blue and white petals. She was no slouch when it came to dressing up, let me tell you. Gold tube earrings adorned her ears.

Mistress mistress, oh great grand queen. Yes Naomi? What do you want? You're neck your highness. Your royal milk-white smooth neck. What're we going to put around your neck? Hmmm? That Naomi posed some mighty good questions at times. Let's see. How about three strings of semi- precious stones. And on each and every finger, a bunch of fancy rings. A queen is never over-jeweled. And let's not forget wrist and arm bracelets and pectoral braids. Pectoral braids? What the heck are pectoral braids? Anybody out there nervy enough to describe pectoral braids to me? I dare you. Personally, I have ideas on the matter.

Anyway...it all comes down to is this. Throughout history, to this very day, jewelry is first and foremost a confirmation of social rank and wealth. And where did it all start? Now you all know. It started with the Sumerians of ancient Babylon somewhere around 3500 B.C....and maybe even before. They invented filigree and stone cutting and were extremely skilled at their craft. Sure...we may all consider ourselves pretty good today...but remember this. We only make it...we didn't invent the techniques. The Sumerians did. Hey...Naomi...where are those lapis lazuli cufflinks I asked you for? I have to go to a wedding tonight. My son's...in Massachusetts. Hmmph. Can't get decent help anymore.

Oh yeah...one more thing. About those lapis lazuli cufflinks? I can get 'em for you...wholesale.

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